In this blog post, I will talk about the return of my depression the reason I'm talking about depression is to raise awareness of mental health and how you should speak to someone rather than keeping it to yourself and letting it build up.
The reason why I believe my depression had returned was just before I was discharged I had stopped taking my medication I believed in myself that I was 100% mentally well again. But soon after I was discharged by my mental health nurse things started to go down hill for me again mentally, I started to feel weak again mentally I was ok but not 100% I started to begin to have self-doubt in myself and my anxiety started again. By June time I had become so anxious and on edge and had so much self-Doubt and I started to develop suicidal thoughts again just over a year since they were last in my head, I just believed in myself I was worthless and I didn't want to be alive anymore and at the moment I began to plan it I googled suicide and ways to commit it and I even planned a day to do it the day I choose was the day after the British Grand Prix the day after I would spend with friends, One day I just had enough and wanted to jump in front of a train and One night I felt I had enough of life and the world and I was planning to take a load of paracetamols and go to sleep and hope to never wake up, I had posted a good night note of Facebook and went to bed in hope I would never wake up but after four I got scared and began to cry this was at 2 am and people had commented on it and I felt a weird feeling. The next morning I felt sad I felt a failure for not being able to do it not being able to end my life.By this time a friend in Australia had contacted my old form tutor at school and who called for help and I'm so grateful to my old form tutor and my old class mate and friend for calling for help and it began the help I really need, I had to go to hospital and see someone from the mental health team the mental health nurse I saw was really nice and he told me the importance of taking my medication and then we talked a bit about Doctor Who. The first my parents found out how bad my mental health was when the police turned up at my sisters looking for me and then they had to take me to the hospital and I'm so grateful for the love they had shown me. a few weeks before I started paying for private counselling but I felt it wasn't working and I was wasting my money.
A few weeks later a few days before the British Grand Prix and my planned suicide date. I was back on the medication and still saw my counsellor but I felt so upset with in myself so angry and fed up with my life I called the Samaritans and spoke to them for 20 minutes. Then I remember the card the mental health nurse gave to me in the hospital with a number for the crisis team who I called a had an appointment for Monday but then. I went to see my parents and they know something wasn't alright and when I asked my mum to take me home on the car ride home I told her I didn't want to be alive anymore and then she called the Crisis team who gave me an urgent appointment for Saturday the day before the British Grand Prix and I went to the assessment place and got assessed. I was told I had clinical depression and I didn't know what to make of it, I was given two options, Option 1 was to go back into Hosptial which I wasn't keen one mainly because I didn't enjoy the last few weeks of the hospital last time I was there and Option 2 was to receive treatment at home was I was very keen on.
The next day I went to the British Grand Prix and saw my friends and they made it the Best British Grand Prix that I had ever attend I hadn't smiled or laughed like how I did for a while they really made me feel like I had true friends and I will always be so grateful to. The Monday after the British Grand Prix I started my treatment for my depression and as of Today(Monday 31st July) I was discharged from the Home treatment team and even though I don't feel 100% mentally I feel stronger mentally and starting to get self-belief again.
I would encourage anyone who is struggling with mental health to speak to someone a friend, A family member or a Gp don't bottle it up like I did and let it get so bad like I did. Before I end this I would like to Thank my Family and Friends who have supported me through this.
Thank you for reading this.
The reason why I believe my depression had returned was just before I was discharged I had stopped taking my medication I believed in myself that I was 100% mentally well again. But soon after I was discharged by my mental health nurse things started to go down hill for me again mentally, I started to feel weak again mentally I was ok but not 100% I started to begin to have self-doubt in myself and my anxiety started again. By June time I had become so anxious and on edge and had so much self-Doubt and I started to develop suicidal thoughts again just over a year since they were last in my head, I just believed in myself I was worthless and I didn't want to be alive anymore and at the moment I began to plan it I googled suicide and ways to commit it and I even planned a day to do it the day I choose was the day after the British Grand Prix the day after I would spend with friends, One day I just had enough and wanted to jump in front of a train and One night I felt I had enough of life and the world and I was planning to take a load of paracetamols and go to sleep and hope to never wake up, I had posted a good night note of Facebook and went to bed in hope I would never wake up but after four I got scared and began to cry this was at 2 am and people had commented on it and I felt a weird feeling. The next morning I felt sad I felt a failure for not being able to do it not being able to end my life.By this time a friend in Australia had contacted my old form tutor at school and who called for help and I'm so grateful to my old form tutor and my old class mate and friend for calling for help and it began the help I really need, I had to go to hospital and see someone from the mental health team the mental health nurse I saw was really nice and he told me the importance of taking my medication and then we talked a bit about Doctor Who. The first my parents found out how bad my mental health was when the police turned up at my sisters looking for me and then they had to take me to the hospital and I'm so grateful for the love they had shown me. a few weeks before I started paying for private counselling but I felt it wasn't working and I was wasting my money.
A few weeks later a few days before the British Grand Prix and my planned suicide date. I was back on the medication and still saw my counsellor but I felt so upset with in myself so angry and fed up with my life I called the Samaritans and spoke to them for 20 minutes. Then I remember the card the mental health nurse gave to me in the hospital with a number for the crisis team who I called a had an appointment for Monday but then. I went to see my parents and they know something wasn't alright and when I asked my mum to take me home on the car ride home I told her I didn't want to be alive anymore and then she called the Crisis team who gave me an urgent appointment for Saturday the day before the British Grand Prix and I went to the assessment place and got assessed. I was told I had clinical depression and I didn't know what to make of it, I was given two options, Option 1 was to go back into Hosptial which I wasn't keen one mainly because I didn't enjoy the last few weeks of the hospital last time I was there and Option 2 was to receive treatment at home was I was very keen on.
The next day I went to the British Grand Prix and saw my friends and they made it the Best British Grand Prix that I had ever attend I hadn't smiled or laughed like how I did for a while they really made me feel like I had true friends and I will always be so grateful to. The Monday after the British Grand Prix I started my treatment for my depression and as of Today(Monday 31st July) I was discharged from the Home treatment team and even though I don't feel 100% mentally I feel stronger mentally and starting to get self-belief again.
I would encourage anyone who is struggling with mental health to speak to someone a friend, A family member or a Gp don't bottle it up like I did and let it get so bad like I did. Before I end this I would like to Thank my Family and Friends who have supported me through this.
Thank you for reading this.
